I don't want to admit it, but I need help. I'm sixteen years old, and I have an Avoidance Personality. I never thought too much about it, and I was never bothered too much by it, but at this point in my life I'm finding it exceedingly difficult to deal with. I have few friends, and the few that I've obtained over the years seem to drift in and out of my life and have never truly been there for me. My mother left when I was four, and I rarely see her, let alone get a chance to talk to her. My father was always very busy as a single father and never made much time for me. I've come to the conclusion that I have abandonment issues. The only person I've ever known to be a trusting soul is my boyfriend of one year. He's everything I could ever want, and he's never let me down. It's taken me nearly a year to trust him fully, and I know I've been hurting him when I've said "I can never fully trust you". My real problem, right now, is that lately (the past two and a half weeks or so), I've been feeling extremely sad (more than usual). I looked up the symptoms of depression, and all signs point in that direction. I haven't been able to sleep until 8AM each morning, I can barely eat, I'm extremely irritable, and I've been having dreadful, nearly suicidal thoughts that I haven't had since I was about 13. I went to my father and asked him to take me to the doctor about it, and he laughed in my face. He simply went on about the stress's of a 49 year old single father, and compared it to my life, stating that I'd have no reason to be depressed because I'm so 'lucky'. I don't know what to do, I'm sick of complaining, I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself, and above all I'm sick of hurting my boyfriend with the way I've been feeling. I'm not sure what I'm asking for when I write this, I suppose some advice, or some inspiration to snap me out of this rut. Thank you.
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