Constantly looking for an answer..

Okay, so I'm writing this post because I'm in need of desperate help considering I can't afford a psychiatrist and I'm constantly worrying that there's legit something wrong with me..I'll number the things that has always been wrong with me ever since I was younger (I'm 19 now), and I'll give examples, explain in more depth as well.

1. I have hypnogogic hallucinations (google it) almost every night before going to sleep. Sometimes, I even have these while lucid dreaming, and suffering from sleep paralysis at the same time. I love dreams, lucid dreaming, the study of dreams etc, and I'm a natural lucid dreamer who dreams very vividly every night, but this is just scary. At this point I'm very used to it, but a lot of times I do still get very scared. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with my other problems, but just in case, I threw it in there.

2. I'm always anxious. Everywhere I go, I'm worrying about something. I try to keep my life constantly organized, but my thoughts are the opposite.

3. I'm obsessive. I obsess over what people think about me, I obsess over reinventing my look to try and find myself, I obsess about boyfriends, my thoughts etc. I also obsess over social networks, and if something is not in it's right place in a facebook status, it bothers me.

4. I'm constantly paranoid. I'm always scared of what people think of me, constantly. I'm always scared that I'm going to make a mistake, and if I do..I'm afraid that they're so annoyed by me. I work in retail as a cashier and if I make a mistake, and the customer seems annoyed, I'm literally on edge about to cry. Because of this, I'm always afraid to speak my mind because I don't want people to disagree with me..I know it's normal for people to have other opinions, but I'm afraid it will turn into an argument, or that person will view me differently because of it.

5. I can never control my emotions. When I get angry, I'm REALLY angry. I take it out on other people, esp. people who are closest to me..I take it out on my Mom a lot more than anyone else. I have really violent thoughts sometimes and it helps release my anger which is terrible ;[ When I get happy I get too giddy, like some 12 year old who just got asked to a school dance. My emotions are all over the place, and I go insane!

6. I get very depressed. I'm at the point where I'm never motivated to do anything. The only thing I'm ever motivated about is reinventing my look or constantly trying to find myself and that's about it. I'm always sleeping, always tired, and if I don't sleep a lot, my emotions get even more out of hand.

7. I'm always jealous of people. Whenever I have a boyfriend, I'm CONSTANTLY jealous. This isn't a healthy jealous either..it's a jealous where I'll literal go insane because I'm always comparing myself to other girls, constantly. It's such a natural habit that I can't stop.

Because of all of this, whenever I go out in public, my eyes strain so bad to the point where I just want to sleep more and it seems to be the only solution..my headaches worsen and the strain on the back of my eyes never ends. Even when I try to relax, think of pleasant thoughts, listen to music, etc, it never goes away.

Honestly, what is all of this?! And why am I like this..