Friend Troubles

I am a 48 year old male. A friend of mine, also 48 years old, has issues which are driving me crazy. The dilemma: I have been friends with "Mike" since we were 12 years old. His being from a family which was considered rather "poor", I always shared virtually everything with "Mike". However, in actuality, his family was not "poor". His parents "partied" every weekend blowing most of their money on booze. Anyway, if I had a soda, he got 1/2. Also, "Mike" has always been a bit of a petty thief (shoplifting .05 - .10 cent items) but has never stolen from me as far as I know. I have warned him countless times of how embarrassed he will be when he gets caught but he continues. He says he does it for the "thrill" and this makes sense as he earns a decent living.

Also during this time (years ago), "Mike" had what everyone considered a "clumsy" problem. If he were to ask to see/ some ones camera for example, there was a 50/50 chance it would be "accidentally" dropped with the reliable "oops" and an apology. Over the years I determined he was either the clumsiest person in the world or there was a jealousy issue and he took it out on other peoples' possessions. It is interesting that one of his sisters (1 year younger) is the exact same way in every respect. So, off and on when we were young, I would occasionally discover some small thing of mine broken after "Mike" had been to my house and left. In our later teens, "Mike" and I became distant (both married), he moved away, etc... . In fact, I married one of his younger sisters (not the one with the same issues as "Mike" thank God).

Then a few years ago, Mike moved back to the area and comes over to our home quite often. As you may have guessed, yes... the same issues still exist. Although "clumsy/accident prone" "Mike" is the same, it is now apparent his antics have escalated to "minor vandalism" and a bit beyond. From mystery dings in our vehicles to rocks thrown in our lawn (to be hit with the mower), garden support lines cut and the list goes on. There is no doubt "Mike" is the culprit. A few weeks ago, as he & I sat by our fire pit, drinking a few beers, "Mike" inadvertently and unknowingly confessed to one of his "dirty little deeds". He had been drinking (and smoking pot) before he arrived and was pretty "trashed" so to speak. While talking, I mentioned how tired I was of maintaining (mowing) our lawn and that if it were not even more work (removing leaves, etc...), I would cover the yard in rock (gravel). Immediately "Mike" says; "I would never throw rocks in your yard!" "That's just bogus... it's just wrong". I didn't say anything because in his condition, he would have "flew off the handle", then driven off (drunk). The other day I did actually "catch" him attempting to do damage when he thought I was not paying attention. We had went fishing and upon his getting out of my truck, he was intentionally pulling the door handle so hard it almost broke and probably would have if I had not said something. "Mike" is the type of person that if a car window (not his own) was frozen (winter) in the "up" position, he would force the crank and do damage on purpose. All his petty destructiveness has added up not just in cost, but a complete lack of my being able to trust him and has left me afraid to leave him alone for even a moment around my vehicles, home, etc... . A recent example: He had left his tackle box & fishing poles in the back of my truck. A couple of days later he stops by very early in the morning (I was still sleeping) to get his stuff. Presto, a nice fresh ding in my tailgate. I had just hand washed/waxed the truck the day before and I know every minute scratch, etc... on my vehicle... and no one else had been to our house.

Now the "dirty deeds" have escalated to even a somewhat dangerous level. I should note that I am very particular about maintaining my vehicles and had just checked and balanced the air in the tires of my wifes' car that we had just recently purchased. The car was not driven for the next 2 days during which time "Mike" had been over. After he had left I just happened to glance @ her car & noticed 1 tire was ever so slightly soft. Checking it, I discovered the valve (in the valve stem) had been turned almost completely out and the valve stem cap was virtually all that was holding the air in the tire. I then immediately recalled a few days prior and as "Mike" was digging change out of his pocket, he had a "valve stem remover". This is generally something most people do not "carry around" on their person. I am at a loss of what to do. Part of me wants to kick his *ss and the other part wants to help him with his problem(s). I have mentioned the "dirty little deeds" stuff in a somewhat round about way to hopefully clue him in that he is suspect in hopes he would stop. I have not blatantly confronted him and stated that I know he is screwing with my stuff as this would most certainly be a major conflict within the family... him being my "brother in-law". It is sad (to me) of how he "acts" like we are best friends and even calls me his brother in public or otherwise, but a best friend/brother does not treat a buddy like this. My wife says it is simply jealousy and he is a "fake friend". I tend to agree, but really don't want to. I am at a loss as to whether his behavior is resentment, the thrill (like his petty shoplifting) or possibly a bit of both. Maybe I also have issues for tolerating his BS... but I would rather he be "cured" or whatever vs. writing him off for good and possibly being subject to even more "vandalism" when I'm not home. Either way, I see surveillance cameras are a part of my near future. As the saying goes "keep your friends close & your enemies closer". One and the same... in my situation. Advice is welcome.

Sad & Perplexed